Licensed to Kill

As usual my wife had her way. She managed to get herself a new scooterette. It seems that when her trusted driver (me, of course) forsook his domestic responsibilities over his official work, her mobility gets hampered. When I took this matter to my superiors they wouldn't have any of this and said that I needed to tour. The only option was to quit my job and be a full time driver, but given the financial condition that we are in it didn't look like a viable option. So we decided to go for the vehicle.

Only after bringing the vehicle home did we realize that she needs a driving license to take her vehicle out. We turned the house upside down searching for her old license. She had given up driving for some time now. Of late the only thing she has been driving is me….. up the wall, if I may add. Anyways we didn’t find the license but a host of things which we had lost and given up looking for.

I never imagined even in my wildest dream that buying a scooter for my wife will lead to so much trouble. Now I had to arrange for a LLR (learner’s license). We went to the driving school nearby. These people facilitate getting licenses for a payment. They wanted a proof of age, proof of residence and 6 photographs. When she heard this my wife became ecstatic. She thought that they were asking for age proof as they doubted if she was 18. There are times when it is pragmatic to just zip your mouth. Years of marriage have helped me to recognize these moments. This was one such moment.

The driving instructor asked us to come early the next day. He wanted my wife to get a hang of the on-line test she has to go through at the RTO (Regional Transport Office). She was shown a series of road signs and the correct interpretation of those signs. And then we were sent to the RTO at 9.00am. My wife was made to wait in a hall where there were another 100 to 150 people waiting. After half an hour, she was fuming. She is used to being treated royally in our house. She stomped out of hall, expecting that all the officials snap to attention and do her bidding. She only managed to lose her place in the line.

The inspectors came at around 10.45. The online test was done in batches of 10’s. By the time my wife finished it was noon. She had taken the full allotted 10 minutes to answer the 10 questions looking for possible potholes, pitfalls and dead-ends while around her people were taking less than a minute to answer them. She had 9 out of the 10 right and was eligible for a learner’s license. By the time she came out, she had already forgotten what the questions were or her answers to them. As is her wont, anything stressful and she takes them off her mind. Given the fact that she has been eligible for an Indian driving license, I can guess what the questions would have been or for that matter what her answers would have been from the possible options. So here goes.

Q1. As the signal turns green to amber, what would you do?
A1. Accelerate to the maximum and beat the lights.

Q2. You find an old couple trying to cross the road on a pedestrian crossing. What will you do?
A2. How dare they! Don’t they know I am in a tearing hurry? I have the right of way everywhere and will run them down if need be

Q3. You find a lot of vehicles waiting for the lights to turn green. Chances are by the time you reach the signal it will turn red again. What will you do?
A3. Only a fool will wait on the left side of the road and waste time. Can’t anyone see the right side of the median that is empty?

Q4. What does this sign mean?

A4. Look if any policemen are around and then make a go for it if you don’t find any.

Q5. What is your reaction to this picture?

A5. How much of dollars must he be saving for his country? The man should be rewarded for trying to reduce the oil import and not to forget the pollution if he has to go another 4 Km to take a U-Turn.

Q6. What does this sign stand for?

A6. No parking allowed on the left and right of this board, but we can park right under the board.

Q7. What would you do to while make a right turn?
A7. Put my right hand out, put on my left indicator and go straight.

Q8. You can hear the sirens of the ambulance behind you? What will you do?
A8. Make the maximum out of the clearance the siren gets and go as fast as possible.

Q9. A vehicle behind you has got the signal to turn right, but you are blocking his path. He honks to let him pass. What hand signal would you adopt?
A9. Raise the right hand, close all your fingers and stick out the middle finger.

Q10. What does this sign mean?

A10. I should not use the horn. They are not working anyway.

Probably she got everything right except the last one.

Did you know that it is an offence to ride a vehicle without the horn.

Anyways she has a license to do all the non sense that passes on the road. Look out all you hapless guys on Chennai roads,here comes my baby.

P.S. With such driving skills it is a pity that Indian licenses are not recognised in most places.