Till Death Do Us Apart

We, my wife and I bump into Prem and his wife ever so often during the 'Parent-Teacher Meets' in our son's school.Their daughter and our son are in the same class. I have also run into Prem a few times at the airport as we go plane hopping to different destinations. He works for a MNC as a Chief Operating Officer and during the course of our interactions I understood that he was highly qualified holding a Master's in Business  Management from a reputed B-School among other equally impressive degrees. Prem came across as an affable person with a good sense of humour. Not so his wife. She wouldn't even look at us during the meets. I always felt that she was taking snobbery to new heights.

Last week my wife and I had gone to the neighbour-hood super market and who do we encounter? Ms. Snob herself. She smiled at us and I was totally taken aback and didn't know how to react. I had come to believe that she was incapable of smiling.....at least at lowly creatures such as us. We managed a weak smile back and went about filling our grocery list. When we came out, Nisha,as her name turned out to be, was waiting for us in the car park. The silence was awkward. She broke the silence and said, "I know how you feel"."You might think that I was ignoring you at the school meets, but it is not so, I am not allowed to speak to anybody". And what follows is her story.

She was a working woman when she got married. She gave up her career because her husband didn't want her to work. A few months into the wedding she realized that he was a pervert, verbally assaulting her at every turn. She couldn't do anything, without him taking jibes at her. Her in-laws insulted her parents, so much so that they stopped coming to see her. She was not allowed to visit them either. She was beaten up with a hockey stick and whipped with a belt for talking to her father over the telephone. In the course of time she had 2 children, the elder one a son, now in his first year of college away from home in a hostel. The younger one a daughter whom the in-laws are trying to turn against the mother by encouraging her to question her mother's authority. She fears her daughter would get into bad company with all the money the grand parents are pampering her with. Nisha said that she had contemplated suicide a couple of times but decided against for the sake of her children. Her in-laws are now trying to prove that she is insane, a ground they are preparing for, maybe a divorce. They constantly move things in the house and when she is looking for them in the original place, take them out from somewhere else and  insist that they were never where she was looking for.

I don't know what she must have gone through-physical and mental abuses-to open out to 2 complete strangers like this. At least she would have felt relieved to get, a very very rare opportunity to talk to somebody. She was confident that she will fight it to the end. We comforted her and said everything would turn out well. It left me wondering what the riches,the wealth and all the degress were worth if one cannot treat another person, wife or not, with dignity. For those of you who think that this is fiction,sadly it is not.

There is something good that has come out of another person's misfortune, my wife has started thinking that I am not such a bad guy after all. A little eccentric maybe but not definitely bad. ( I thought my wife would delete this while she proof-reads, but she let it pass.)

HAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY.

  

Hope Springs Eternal

Varshini is progressing and a big thanks from the bottom of my heart for your prayers and your good wishes for their family. PK was overwhelmed by the love and concern you have shown to this little girl and has expressed his thanks to each one one of you who have uttered a small prayer for her.

Let us hope that the small improvement exhibited by her is the begining of her complete cure.

Let us hope that  the medical treatment and physiotherapy will have good results.

Let us hope that she will be her charming self shortly.

Let us hope.

We May never Pass This Way Again.

As they say, it is better late than never. Warm wishes for a great year ahead for all of you and your dear ones. This is a reaffirmation of the wishes you would have got on time for the New Year.

The cusp of December and January saw a few happenings that were contrasting in nature.

My mother celebrated her 80th birthday. I took her to a nearby temple, where she most probably would have prayed for a peaceful end. As we advance in age. I think, a peaceful end would be most coveted.

A few days later my son turned 17. He would have wished for a bright start in life as he stands in the threshold of adulthood and partial independence.

My friend’s father passed away after a period of protracted illness at the age of 84. He was affected with Alzheimer’s, but it could never deter him from living life to the fullest. Last year, he asked his son for a laptop. Just a measure of enthusiasm for a man who does not know computers.

In a couple of days time another friend’s father would be celebrating his Sadabhishekam (80th birthday) with his wife,children and grandchildren. A boon only a few can hope for. A retired IAS officer, he and his wife, also an ex-IAS officer, lead a simple contended life.

So there it is, life and death. While we mourn death, we can also rejoice life. We will be here only for a very short period and it is worth while to enjoy it, without petty things like anger, squabbles, ego, pride, coming in the way.

In different parts of the country, we are now celebrating Bhogi, Pongal, Sankranthi, Lohri, Uttrayan to mark the sun’s transition to the northern hemisphere.(Though it is the earth that moves, the sun gets the credit, very similar to a corporate set up where somebody does and someone else gets the credit).These festivals symbolizes the discarding of old things and bringing in of the new. It is a pity that Chennaites take it literally and burn old things in their house and if they cannot find anything in their house, will burn their neighbour’s property and pollute the atmosphere.

So what better time than now to throw out old hatred & prejudice and bring in new friendships & relations. Time to apologize for our mistakes and give others a chance to apologize for theirs.

For we may never pass this way again.

A happy BHOGI, PONGAL, LOHRI, UTTARAYAN to all you folks!

	Seals & Crofts - We May Never Pass This Way Again .mp3
	Found at bee mp3 search engine

Children of God

Varshini came back home yesterday. After 18 days in the ICU and 30 days in the hospital. Varshini is the 10 year old daughter of my very dear friends PK and Latha. Varshini used to suffer from epileptic seizures from her childhood. She has been in and out of hospitals due to her illness, and she came out stronger every time. Varshini attended Vidya Sudha a school meant for children with special needs, along with her mother. They took individual care according to the child’s need. They educated the mother also who had to continue the classes at home as well. This meant that Latha had to be with her daughter the whole day. The whole family rallied behind Varshini. Varshini’s sister long ago had learnt to take care of herself when her parents had to devote their time for Varshini. In due course Varshini had made tremendous progress. With her treatment and Latha's immaculate care,she never had an epileptic episode for nearly 3 years, so much so that we all believed that the worst was over. She had started attending regular school and within a short period had become the darling of the students and teachers alike.

On that fateful day, night to be precise, she had a tiff with her mother and refused to say good-night to her and covered herself with the rug. To tease her further she lowered her rug and said “Good night daddy” and went to sleep. Probably those were the last words she spoke in the last 1 month. Around 4 in the morning she started having seizures. The doctor who treats her is a little far off from their house, but they had an arrangement with another doctor near her house who knew her medical history, to give her first aid before she could be admitted to the hospital. The doctor was woken up and he promptly came to his clinic, as my friend reached there with his daughter. The initial drug of choice in such conditions is lorazepam, but unfortunately Varshini had developed hypersensitivity to the drug and on an earlier occasion had a respiratory arrest lasting a few minutes when this drug was administered by the same doctor. My friend reminded the doctor again about her hypersensitivity to Lorazepam, to which the doctor said, “I will take care, please wait outside”. No one is clear what happened afterwards. Varshini had a cardiac arrest and no one knows how long it was before she was revived. But it was long enough for her vital organs like the liver, kidney and brain to shut down. She was admitted in the paediatric ICU.

There she was invaded by peritoneal dialysis, ventilator to assist her breathing, a nasogastric tube for feeding and a urinary catheter to drain her urine. The links are to help you understand what the poor girl had to undergo. For 18 days she was attached to all these intrusions. She was put on a sedative so that she will not knock these machines around. She opened her eyes on the 8th day, but she was not able to talk or recognize anyone. She could only cry like a newborn to indicate her needs like hunger, thirst or even pain. The parents did everything to spark her memory; played her the songs she liked, read her stories, called her by pet names that she used to enjoy, touched her, and hugged her, but to no avail. To this day Varshini remains like that. There has been only a very slight improvement that we can at best call as wishful thinking. Whose fault is this? Who is responsible for putting a 10 year old through all this? Was it the doctor who gave her a wrong medication? Is it her Karma? Can she be called God’s child, but which parent would punish their children thus for whosoever’s mistake? WHO?

Varshini is a strong girl and I strongly believe that she will come back better than ever. With support from her parents who have gone through this whole ordeal bravely. And with wishes from well meaning people. Well-wishers like you. As Lord Tennyson said,”More things are wrought by prayers than this world dream of”, let us fervently trust that Varshini will bounce back to her normal self through our prayers. Our collective prayers. Believer or non believer, I entreat you to include Varshini in your prayers and wish her well.

A Merry Christmas and a Happy New Year to you and your family.

All about going green

Not long along I used to go green with envy at the slightest instance-a friend's success, a colleague's promotion, neighbour's new car and a host of other things. Then they told me that jealousy was one of the seven deadly sins. I went all out to rid me of this sin, so much so that I can now celebrate even a total stranger's good fortune as my own. Now they want me to go green for the sake of the planet. I don't know what to do.